I’ve removed most of my content about farming as the farm is gone and so goes the content. I’ve the most unique opportunity to redesign my life. Having given most of the farming stuff away to other farmers, I’m almost homeless. Most of my friends and many of my acquaintances don’t understand why I do what I’m doing.
99% of the stuff on my farm I didn’t pay for. It was gifted over a decade. We had so many things given to us I needed to purchase several shipping containers to store it all. It was wonderful to never need to go to a hardware store. This is also where I learned about perfect memory. Being able to remember everything is a disease.
I’d wondered why I could remember where I’d put down a wrench or tool and be able to remember where it was. It may have been because I didn’t have a boss or an office to go to. I just had to walk around the farm and fix infrastructure from the 1950’s. I loved the challenges, every time I’d look into some scary dark space I’d know it wouldn’t be too long before I’d be saving a sheep from drowning in there or fixing a pump in a shack known for its population of black widows. Or do something like fix an 800 amp 3-phase circuit in waist-deep water to keep some fish alive. So many things could have killed or broken me here, but I’m leaving in the best shape I’ve ever been in. Mentally the times are still tough.
I loved the challenges here and while I may have complained — I learned to learn. Watching metric tons of YouTube; because, I’m a programmer, not an electrician or plumber or architect or engineer. The failures were many and I accept them, from my failure in marriage and relationships to my inability to slaughter animals cleanly and quickly. I broke a lot of glass (with bb guns) and in this process have learned that I need to continue on this arc.
In 2020 I couldn’t keep up the chaos as everything on the farm took more energy than I could muster. Why keep the water tanks full if I wasn’t going to grow food? The farm dilapidated and I spent more time at the local gun range. Fixing stuff there seemed more important — people used that place.
I’ve met fantastic and wonderful people having a large space that was temporary. I’m on my last few months here where my days begin before sunrise spending the winter sunlight cherishing every little moment. I’m not worried that I will forget my life here, but I know that I will miss it.
I’m looking for a challenge, one that is bigger and more difficult. One that includes the moon and stars, blue skies and lots of sweat. I wanna work hard for the next thing and I really don’t want it to be easy.
I have no way to replace or replicate this life and so I need to have the unknown. To be surprised with the kindness of strangers as I leave this place with the buried bones of my pets and enough memories of the most fantastic connections to earth, wind, fire and life.
You might think I’m odd to desire the unknown, to want difficult paths. I never had a family or a real job. I’ve made my own way since I was 18 and the thought of sitting at a desk that I didn’t make under the glow of artificial light makes me shiver in fear. I’m totally unsure of what is next and that is the part of life that I truly love.