Doors close for reasons

I cut my hair today, shaved it all off. It was bothering me during my workouts. This evening I was watching a Devs and finishing up some computer work. My desk is lit by a single bankers lamp. I got a Q-tip and cleaned my ears. They are always full of dust and dirt from working on the farm.

A moth caught my eye as it fluttered near the desk lamp. Out of the corner of my eye I saw it. Then I felt it enter my right ear as I attempted to swat it away. It crawled in deep and the sound it made against my ear drum was compelling. I couldn’t believe this was happening, how fucking random.

Moth Fighter

Instantly my mind raced with thoughts. I tried to get it out with the used swab which drove it deeper against my ear drum. The sound was intense as I fell to the ground writing on the floor. The moth and I must have been thinking the same thing, how fucking weird is this. Millions of ideas presented them selves at once. It was the multiverse as I sorted the various outcomes and strategies against deafening possibilities and the randomness of the universe’s presentation.

I stood and went to my bathroom sink thinking I would drown it. Pulling and twisting at my body I shook my head violently. I wondered how long I could twist my body and my head. Time slowed, this wasn’t panic, the thoughts focused and I continued to twist and shake my head, feeling my brain slosh about in my skull; pulling and clawing all the while at my ear. Wondering how long I could do this. Apparently until its done.

The moth flew out of my ear. I could hear it moving off my eardrum. I watched with awe and amazement as it flew to the bathroom light. It could still fly, I was impressed. This was a near religious experience for me that maybe lasted all of two intense minutes. I didn’t kill the moth. Awestruck by the cosmic lesson I walked to the front door and closed it, shewing a few moths into the warm night air.

Categories: Farming

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